Wednesday, December 4, 2013

This post was written in front of a live studio audience

Just kidding, I can't even leave my bedroom today, much less SEE OTHER PEOPLE.

Yeesh.

I keep getting the same comment from well meaning but sadly unknowing people. 'Why don't you just leave your bedroom? What could possibly happen?'

Dude. Don't get me started on the things my brain can conjure up when given a chance.

I left my room for the first and only time at 2:15pm today. I'm writing this at 4:30pm. I'm supposed to go to church tonight, but I doubt it. It's my turn to cook dinner but there's no chance, cos that requires the ability to make decisions. I'll probably just stay here until I feel tired enough to sleep, and then have another bad day tomorrow because I didn't have my pills today and there's a buttload of people coming tomorrow including my 2 nephews who I'm supposed to look after while Mum gets ready for the big event on Friday, when even more people come over.

This event happens every 3 months, you'd think I'd get used to it. But nope, every time it's the same thing.

Oh well, at least the Tom Baker scarf I'm working on for Professor will get some serious attention.

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

It totally doesn't make sense

When we hear a small child say exactly what they're thinking, we smile.

When we hear a pre-teen say exactly what they're thinking, we tell them they're precocious.

When we hear a teen say exactly what they're thinking, we make a side joke about teens knowing everything.

And then when we get older, we wonder when we lost the ability to just join in and say what we're thinking.

Wednesday, July 3, 2013

You're a freaking Superhero

The other night, while I had eleventy hundred tabs up on my browser, I came across this gem. Since I had so many freaking tabs up I have no idea HOW I found it, but I've linked them both to the place I got them.



Thursday, May 30, 2013

He did it again...

I used to have a post about how Dad sucks me in with these long winded lectures that turn out to be jokes, but obviously, when I deleted the blog, the post went. So y'all just hafta trust me when I say, he is the Master at sucking me in for these things.

This morning.
I'm in the study.
He stands in the doorway, putting on his 17th layer of clothing as Perth has finally received winter.

D: 'Wotcha printing chicken?' - chicken is a childhood nickname for me, as Mum's was Chookhead.
J: 'Just a crochet blanket pattern I wanna make'
D: 'Hey, can you print out something for me as well please? It's a DIY thing'
J: 'No prob, what's the address' - fingers poised
D: 'www.      www.    ww'
J: 'Hang on, what comes after the second w?'
D: 'www.dontforgettowashup.com'
J: quick gut punch to Father.
J: 'Oh, that's like that website www.mydadsawuzuk.com.getnicked, right?'

He came back in while I was writing and handed me a piece of paper with the following address on it -

www.anddontjustleavethemtosoak.com.b4lunch


Sunday, May 19, 2013

I need a spoon count on my forehead

There needs to be a way you can show people how much pain you're in if you have am invisible chronic pain condition. Maybe a spoon count on your forehead, the same way Justin Timberlake had his time on his arm in that weird movie where the poor people ran everywhere cos they didn't have much time left.

It'd also be nice if your brain stayed at the same level as your spoons, so that if you had no spoons left, you didn't actually wanna do anything, instead of being stuck in bed, wincing/crying/swearing in pain, unable to relax for the thoughts of things you wish you could do right now.

Oh, the spirit is so willing, and the flesh is such a jerk.

Thursday, May 9, 2013

This really isn't a BodyLove Blog, but I just seem to keep posting about BodyLove!

When we go clothes shopping, my husband knows the drill. First thing to check when I walk outta the dressing room? The Roll. Smaller women call it a Muffin Top, but when you're my size, your muffin sinks. 

A friend of mine, who doesn't even know how much I love her for showing me this blog, steered me towards The Nearsighted Owl. I've been reading it for days already, in between bouts of housework and babysitting. And I've noticed a bit of an attitude change.

Closer fitted clothing.
Pants.
Wearing what I want to wear, instead of what I think I look best in.
A lot less caring of what other people think of my outfit.

Surprisingly, a LOT more outfit compliments.

I've had a tunic dress for about a YEAR and never worn it, because of The Roll. I wore it a couple of weeks ago, and the amount of compliments and winks I got was amazing - not to mention the freedom I felt by being able to wear it!

I'm dressing for me because I should be the only one who cares, but now people ARE caring and they seem to like it. Isn't it funny how that works?!

Thursday, May 2, 2013

Mortified in Medicare

With all the arrogance of the childless, I took my nephews (4 & 3yrs) to Medicare with me yesterday. By choice.

As soon as we got in, the two excited but generally fairly quiet boys went bananas. Those red cushioned seats they have at Medicare? Awesome for climbing over and chasing each other. Apparently the altitude on their climbing adventures rendered them temporarily deaf to my pleas that they just sit and play with my iPhone.

After only ten or so minutes of 3 different tellers playing Solitaire (I assume this is what they were doing, as they had no customers in front of them), my number was called. I called the boys over and handed my paperwork to the teller, and they took the opportunity to start running around the waiting room screaming.

I caught the 3 year old, told him to sit on the floor. He did - probably because I bribed him with an icecream if he behaved.

I caught the 4 year old, who refused to sit on the floor, he wanted to sit in the trolley. No prob. I scoop him up, he takes a deep breath, so as to assure maximum volume, and yells,

'NO! DON'T TOUCH MY PENIS!'

Mortified.

The silence in the room was broken by what I can only describe as a collective snort, as approximately 20 people tried to stifle their laughs.

To top it all off? I didn't even get any money back. I was given a form and told to fill it out and bring it back to the counter, but do you think I was gonna stick around after all that?!